Why Sex Addicts Lie

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Although most addicts lie to cover their tracks, the real fear is that if the partner knew the truth, there would be no way for her to forgive him. The addict fears the partner will leave. That fear of loss motivates the addict to lie more than anything.

Addicts are famous for lies of omission. Do you recognize this situation? Your partner senses something is up. You don’t want to lie, so if she doesn’t ask you specifically, you do not offer the information.  Or perhaps you are worried that telling her the truth will hurt her so much, you can’t possibly do it, and so you deliberately leave out the most troubling part of what happened. Mostly, you don’t want to further incriminate yourself. Perhaps you have been caught and are scared, but your partner does not know everything about what you have done. You tell part of the truth to reduce your guilt and to be able to say that you told the truth, but you fail to give your partner a valuable piece of information that will help her make a decision about her future.

Some addicts lie for different reasons:

  1. Withdrawal is Scary and Painful: Withdrawal from any drug (especially dopamine and serotonin in the brain created by sex addiction) is painful and scary. Once the addict is entrenched in the addiction cycle, the brain continues to crave the chemical brain changes the addictive cycle has created. The addictive behavior has also been a reliable source of companionship, emotional pain relief, and glue that has held the addict together. Giving that up is frightening and emotionally painful, even when the addict is highly motivated to stop using.
  2. Keeping the Mask Firmly Attached: All addicts portray an image they think others want to see. Telling the truth means letting go of that safe identity. The real fear is that if your partner knew what you were really like, your partner would leave you.
  3. Fear of Loss: If you know:
    1. How will I tolerate this pain without my fix?
    2. Will you take my children away?
    3. Will you punish me by taking everything I have worked for all my life?
    4. Will you kick me out?
    5. Will you tell our friends?
  4. Denial: Most addicts have the thought “If I pretend that all is well, then I don’t have to face the fact that I’m screwed up and have made this relationship a disaster.” To be in denial is to say that you don’t have a problem or that you don’t have to face the consequences of your behavior. Eventually you do – your life will become an out-of-control mess!

Disclosing Secrets (Corley PhD & Schneider PhD, M.D.)

Suzanne would like to help her clients find happiness in life.  Are you depressed or anxious wondering how you can get through the next day? Do you feel over-worked and under-appreciated?  Do you have a difficult maintaining your weight, managing your finances, coping with your own addiction or the addiction of someone else, or maybe you are having a hard time getting along with your spouse or a difficult teenager?  There is relief….The first step, which is the most difficult, is making the call to seek help and direction for a better life.

Suzanne Specializes In: Relationship Problems, Recovery & Strengthening, Depression, Anxiety, and Stress Management, Sexual Addiction/Love Addiction & Co-Dependency (women & men), Addictions (drugs, alcohol, shopping, etc),Trauma ,Personal/Sports/and Corporate Coaching. Clinical Training: CSAT : Suzanne is trained in sexual addictions from the prestigious IITAP institute and Patrick Carnes, EMDR (eye movement and desensitization and reprocessing):

Suzanne offers this processing technique for relief from traumas, anxiety, depression, addictions, fears, phobias, and test anxiety.  EMDR can also enhance sports and speaking/professional performances, Prepare/Enrich: Suzanne can help you learn how to build stronger relationships through communication and conflict resolution skill building.  This program is ideal for premarital counseling, marriage preparation, marriage counseling, and marriage enrichment, Suzanne earned her MS in Counseling Psychology from Palm Beach Atlantic University.

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